Sober 19 years since 1980, Tanya loves those moments in sobriety that take her breath away.
When she came in she wanted to kill herself in a nice neat way that would not leave a mess behind.
She drank first at age 17 on a date with the captain of the football team she had a terrible crush on. She came to in the back of his car, buttoning her blouse - terribly ashamed. She swore not to do it again but did it often,
"with many men and some women ... I think, but I can't remember."
She swore she would not drink like her alcoholic mother, she drank different - like a pig.
She once lived with a man for six months and could not remember his face; married another but could not at first recall his last name when, years later, she needed to get a divorce.
