Sober 23 years since 8/2/1993, Judy's teachers reported that she was aloof, sarcastic and did not try hard enough. She always felt guilty but did not always know what for. Her mother told her you ought to be ashamed of yourself but not how long she should feel that way.
"I felt confused, unwanted, unloved, misunderstood and scared....And then one day when I was a teenager my savior showed up in the form of alcohol."
Her alcoholism was very slow to develop. She did not get in any trouble. Got married at 18. Five years later their daughter Tracy was born. They stayed married for 12 years. The drinking increased with no one to answer to. She started to neglect her life - was unable to tell the true from the false - to neglect Tracy.
Living in Knoxville, she had a long distance relationship with a man in Birmingham. They married and moved to Nashville. She took Tracy to her parents in Atlanta. Days turned into weeks and months and Tracy went to live with her dad. Judy divorced and moved into an apartment alone. Drinking escalated.
She took a transfer to Atlanta in hopes of a geographical cure. It did not stop. She called AA and someone at the HOW Place told her, "We're just a bunch of drunks trying to stay sober." That did not appeal to her.
She started drinking in a bar and married the bartender - also a heavy drinker. Tracy moved back in with them. "It was all his fault...I prayed God just make him different." After many confrontations he went to AA. "Then he tried to fix me.".
She did not get willing until he stopped pushing and Judy said an honest prayer to God for help.