Clean 14 years since 2/17/1991, Janine wanted to say "no" to being asked to speak but having had a child in the past year emphasized the need to change.
Born in 1963, a "love child", her grandmother helped raise her because her real dad had six kids he neglected to tell her mom about.
Her mom married her step dad but Janine did not feel a part of the family.
She started using at 16. She was a sweet thing until she used and then became a lunatic.
There is sexual abuse in her story, at home and, at times, because her using put her into risky situations.
Bulimia started to impact her life. She attempted suicide, geographicals and swapping what she was using.
Shame kicked in. She got in a relationship abusive in all ways.
"And I was OK with that because I thought I deserved it."
Her brother's suicide changed everything and eventually woke her up
She ran from that relationship and had to hide in another state because he was a complete psycho. She was pregnant, had an abortion and has had to deal with that in recovery.
She moved back to her home town, tried to just drink and smoke pot for a year and hooked up with a dealer who was shorter than her. She became the abuser. She was unemployable so she was forced to steal.
Jail scared her so she left and got a job working with mentally handicapped adults. But she could not stay clean.
She started to journal and wrote asking God to help her out. She immediately had a compulsion to leave her apartment and was led to a man in a parking garage playing a flute who had one year clean. He took her to her first meeting.
She got a really neat job but got married, moved to Santa Fe, NM but was not really working a program. They started going to NA meeting there.
She got a sponsor with lots of clean time who was tough. The next one was too soft. Then she found one that was firm, loving and patient.
Today when she sponsors, she realizes she is not responsible for anybody's clean time but her own.
(1 hr 12 min) (24.8 MB) (id#1572)
